No-one can turn your life around besides yourself. Others can help motivate you, but the decision has to come from within. If you wake up every morning, expecting to be depressed - you’re going to be depressed.
Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. You do “a” you’re going to get “b”. You do “a” again, you’re still going to get “b”.
Please, oh please, stop being insane.